The Myth of "Don't make any major decisions for the first year in recovery"

Well? Obviously you found an article that has validated you by co-signing your junior Big Book thumper phase that hopefully you will survive...It's ok my friend, this too shall pass. The producer of confusion even though his motives are good fits quite well..I understand getting into the Big Book 12 Steps has exposed many of us to the miraculous, a Spiritual realm we had never dreamed existed..We feel we have finally done it, done something right. Armed with some basic facts about ourselves and a new found Spiritual Power we are chosen to carry the true AA message without thought of others or how they may be affected..We become an example of self will run riot with our new conceptions and a Big Book in our hand..We continue to provide our own self esteem by proving others are screwed up and we're ok..We are still playing God, sorry..

May I recommend putting some real effort into Step 10 continuing to watch for selfishness, reminding yourself often that this Step is for you and not just a tool to find fault by recognizing selfishness in others..

As time goes on I do hope you keep on the firing line so you learn what these 12 Steps really are or the design for living that was intended..Like a life filled with a willingness to serve those who suffer, no longer about you and your opinions,a Spiritual experience.

The day came many years ago when I took the collar off, It became too tight for me. I was no longer the teacher, profit, or Big Book Step guru, AA answer man..I was to become a servant..I serve God and receive the power to serve the man who suffers from alcoholism. Sounds simple enough yet I still work at it today.

I have stolen from you here and you may feel the loss of a bit of emotional security. Retaliation will only put others above yourself. You can stop worshipping people now, Accept me for who I am and move on..You will be a power of example instead of an example of power..

Isn't the real reason behind this post your anger at those who don't want to make use of the real AA program, the way you see it, the way the first 100 you believe did it? You see yourself on a 12 Step call talking to a man bedside and saving his life when actually people aren't interested in your selfish earful and manipulative head games..You have lots of information , now learn to carry it to the new man with patience love and tolerance...You are angered that others find comfort with a man who assures them that meeting makers make it and keep coming back, it gets better one day at a time..Your problem is this big, nothing can happen in a 24 hour period that a drink or a drug won't make worse..Oh, and no major decisions for the first year, do you think this could mean don't quit your job or stop paying bills or move to the desert and live on manna..Don't get a divorce because your wife doesn't recognize the beauty of your new found sobriety, that kind of major decision, kid...

You have something positive to say, learn how to say it without the selfishness..The whole kill newcomers thing just makes you look bad. Contrary to some belief, sure you can learn the basic understanding of the Steps in a weekend but it may take much longer to live it. I speak for myself and my experience. I have recovered, I have found a Spiritual remedy for a hopeless mind and body. I have solved the drink problem today.

There is a certain amount of poetic license in this article and I am sure the author is not advocating rash and harmful decisions, merely drawing attention to the fact that in order to recover we need a change of personality which can only be brought about by spiritual means, and that there is some urgency about this as no one knows how long the window of opportunity will remain open. A dramatic change such as this is of course a major undertaking and may for example require other major decisions like extracting oneself from a disfunctional relationship. The writer raises issues which ought to be considered by anyone interested in living this programme. I have been sober a good long time and to my shame I have coasted along dispensing casual cliches to newcomers that really needed much more help than that. Tolerating the intolerable, and I suppose fear or selfishness kept me quiet, just one of the crowd, fitting in, putting popularity before principles. But then I begin to hear about the back to basics folks, and big book sponsorship and I read with an open mind. A great gift from my sponsor was teaching me how to think, not what to think, which left me free to consider what was being said in the light of my experience and knowledge. When I look around I see our local fellowship is smaller than it was 30 years ago, there are fewer newcomers and our average age and length of sobriety is going up. Many here talk about recovery rates less than 5%, there is even a local treatment centre that claims 1-2% success rate. The way the message is carried now is different although the change has been so gradual and subtle I hardly noticed. I consider how I was taught this programme and how it is taught today, and I really doubt if I would have survived. Why has the recovery rate fallen so dramatically that it is now within the margin of error? I have taken some of the material available from this site and put it to use with newcomers. In their view they have found it extremely enlightening, especially gaining an overview of the steps. They are not stupid people, they realise that they are beginning a new way of life based on the steps and it will take time and effort to accomplish this. But without exception they all felt they had taken a huge step forward. Incidentally they all were feeling lost to some extent as they weren't making any progress by just doing meetings, nothing was changing for them -(their words not mine). If nothing changes, what is the point? And this might be why many drift away after a year or so. So I suppose the writer and others behind this site have caused me to take my own inventory and admit that the flaky way I was carrying the message was both irresponsible and wrong and had somehow morphed from what I was originally taught. I don't consider myself a Big Book Nazi or zealot, I am simply finding that those original suggestions actually work better than what I was doing. I feel no need to take the writer's inventory, but would just thank him or her for their efforts which will be a great help to anyone who is honest, open minded and willing,
God bless,
Mike H.