We were now at Step Three
Being convinced we were alcoholic/addict and could not manage our own lives; that probably no human power could have relieved our alcoholism/addiction; and that God could and would if he were sought; we found ourselves at Step Three which is that we decided to turn our will and our life over to God as we understood Him. Just what do we mean by that, and just what do we do? (p. 60 A.A. Big Book)
In the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous on pages 60 to 63 it describes an alcoholics'/addicts' life as unmanageable -- that an ego-centric life is hardly a success. The diagram below illustrates the direction of my life based on my decision to choose my will versus God's will.
The human mind works in a straight-forward manner - as I think, so will I feel, so will I behave and act out. If you want to change your behaviour, then change the way you feel. If you want to change your feelings, then change your thinking. This is basic psychology-101. However, if it were this simple, alcoholics and addicts everywhere would have changed their behaviour long ago and recovered but, as many of us have discovered we could not do this even though "many of us had moral and philosophical convictions galore". (p. 62 A.A. BB) What the therapists and treatment center counsellors fail to understand or convey to the hopeless alcoholic/addict is that our minds suffer from a spiritual malady and until we take direction from a higher power, our own thinking or the human management of others fails to have the necessary power to separate us from our obsession to drink, use or act-out.
God makes that possible. And there often seems no way of entirely getting rid of self without His aid...Neither could we reduce our self-centeredness much by wishing or trying on our own power. We had to have God's help. (p. 62 A.A. BB)
This is the how and the why of it. First of all, we had to quit playing God. It didn't work...When we sincerely took such a position, all sorts of remarkable things followed. We had a new Employer. Being all powerful, He provided what we needed, if we kept close to Him and performed His work well...We were reborn. (pp. 62-63 A.A. BB)
Each morning, we can turn our will and our lives over to God as we understand Him. Our Big Book authors give us a simple prayer to commune with our High Power and seek the direction that separates us from the desire to drink, use or act out.
Many of us said to our Maker, as we understood Him: "God, I offer myself to Thee -- to build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of life. May I do Thy will always!" (p. 63 A.A. BB)
Here are thousands of men and women, worldly indeed. They flatly declare that since they have come to believe in a Power greater than themselves, to take a certain attitude toward that Power, and to do certain simple things. There has been a revolutionary change in their way of living and thinking. In the face of collapse and despair, in the face of the total failure of their human resources, they found that a new power, peace, happiness, and sense of direction flowed into them. This happened soon after they wholeheartedly met a few simple requirements. (p. 50 A.A. BB)
Tell us about your experience with Step Three.
Remember, we recover by the steps we take NOT the meetings we make! It only takes a few hours to learn "how it works" and a lifetime to practice it. Download this FREE 12 Step workbook that guides the newcomer through all 12 steps in 4 hours! Looking for a Big Book Sponsor: Leave a message at: 416-533-6024. Want to get working on your program today? Listen to Joe and Charlie talk about the original 12 Step format that produced a 50% to 75% recovery rate from alcoholism/addiction during the 1940's.
The chart is cute. Looks like treatment centre stuff to me. Note that in the chart it has Step 3 incorrect – it’s to turn our will and our lives over to the CARE of God. It’s NOT to turn them over to God. There is a huge difference in that.
If the human mind behaved in such a straightforward manner we wouldn’t need the program. Doesn’t the Doctor’s Opinion confirm that the alcoholic has an abnormal mind? Abnormal does not mean straightforward. And where did the psychobabble come from? I can’t imagine that any Psychology 101 text, ANYWHERE says: “if you want to change your feelings, change your thinking” That’s ridiculous. Let’s just stick to the way the book is written and forget the interpretations, shall we?
When I live my life to the best of my ability in the four absolutes, I experience a closer relationship with God. This experience separates me from my obsession to drink and use. I have heard it said even more simply, that "Love" is the presence of God and "Fear" is the absence of God.
I start each morning with the Step Three prayer. When I conclude the prayer with "May I do thy will always!", I then ask the question, "What is thy will for me today?". I then meditate for a period of time, listening for the answer. This is my daily Step Three action.
In more conventional terms of spiritual seeking, the “wisdom to know the difference” is called “discernment” and it remains as much an issue to the recovered addict as it has ever been through the ages to all that seek a spiritual path.
My pointing out the difference between Step 3 as quoted on the treatment center chart and the actual step 3 was intentional because the difference between those two is important. We need God’s “care” to help us discern, to give us the wisdom to know the difference. Why is that? Because by ourselves, we have a demonstrated an inability to discern accurately – even in recovery. The book speaks to many examples of this – ‘we cannot tell the true from the false’, there will come a time when we have no mental defense, etc. etc.
Through the years there have been many times when I was convinced that I was being an honest, pure, loving, and unselfish man. Many times, nothing could have been further from the truth. I thought I was, but, by myself, I was incapable of discerning the difference. All of us have seen people that have committed heinous acts in the name of God – convinced that they were acting of God’s will. In their eyes they are following God’s will. In the eyes of others, they are doing anything but. How does this happen?
Again, it’s a question of discernment. The Oxford group understood this. In general, the Oxford group held to the Ignatian view of discernment – that is, that it should not be attempted alone and that it was best performed with a ‘spiritual leader’ or ‘spiritual director’. This is why much of the Oxford “soul surgery” took place in a group or in front of a group or with another member. It’s why, in 12-step programs, we don’t do a step five with ourselves and it’s one reason why “sponsors” and “sharing” are important in recovery – all have the purpose of helping us with discernment. Personally, any real addict that tells me that they have determined – by themselves – that their motives are pure, honest, loving and unselfish, is suspect. This is why it is essential that we turn our will and lives over to the CARE of God rather than our actual will and lives simply because we need help with discernment.
I often hear people talk about taking their will back or running on self-will. But what is self-will other than the absence of the wisdom to know the difference. For myself, I pray for that wisdom. Specifically, I pray for clear and obvious discernment. The way I pray is two-fold, I direct my thoughts toward my Higher Power and ask for guidance. Then I look to see how S/He is manifest in others that can guide me. For certain, anytime I don’t know what I’m doing, and I act without a clear knowledge of discernment – not matter what the four absolutes, ten commandments, or cardinal sins - then I am on self-will. It’s as simple as that. It’s no surprise that, as a result, I often find that I have to defer action until I have that clear knowledge.